Bad, Bad, Bad: An Unbelievably Lewd Joke
by Inudaughter Returns
Summary: This is a joke about threesomes. You are warned. M rated.


The unthinkable began with Arnold slumped over the bar next to the bartender. He ruffled his hand through his hair. "I'm telling ya, Gerald!" the man in his thirties complained. "I can't keep up with her! Every single day! Every single time I come home from work! Or even sometimes twice a day on our days off together! It's Arnold, I'm needy, needy, needy! How much satisfying does that woman need?" he flustered in extreme agitation. Raking his hand through his hair again, he downed a drink and held it out to the bartender to pour another.

"So get her a vibrator, man!" Gerald suggested, sagely. Arnold glared at his friend.

"She has a vibrator! Look, remember the time when I turned twenty-one and we all got drunk and I punched you for eyeing my wife? Well, maybe I shouldn't have punched you! Maybe that's the solution to all this!"

"Woah, you're speaking riddles, man!" Gerald spoke up. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm saying, Gerald that maybe you could help me out… don't get me wrong. I love my wife but I'm not enough to make her happy. I've been thinking about this for a long time… and it keeps coming back to my mind. Maybe what she needs is a threesome?"

"Woah, woah, woah!" Gerald sputtered. "That's lewd! There's no way I'd go for that!"

"Why not?" the drunk Arnold glared. "It's not like you're not single. Have you heard from Phoebe for… years? Since she dumped you?"

"Nah, not since she told me she was marrying some med-student. Even sent me pictures of their wedding. That was cold."

"Exactly what I'm saying. Look Gerald, I know that you can find Helga attractive. When you're drunk anyway. So what I'm asking you for is help. You'd be doing me a favor. Believe me."

"I… I can't man," Gerald said rolling his eyes in shame. "That's just plain wrong!"

"Just come home with me tonight, Gerald!" Arnold fumed. "You'll see!"

That night, Arnold pushed open his bedroom door and found Helga reading in bed. She was wearing her little light, pink translucent nightdress. He put his mouth on her neck.

"Wow, Arnold! I didn't expect you to be in such a mood tonight! I…. wha? What is Gerald doing here?!" Helga glared. Arnold grasped both of her shoulders and leveled her a stare.

"He's here to help us have a threesome," he uttered honestly.

"A threesome?" Helga flustered. "Wow, I never expected you'd have it in you for something like that! But, I'm not really convinced we need to go for something like that! You… and…. We?" Helga said flashing her eyes between Arnold and Gerald's. "It's not the worst thing ever, but…"

"Just go with it!" Arnold fussed lying his lips along her neck. Helga sagged into the embrace. Gerald stared with open eyes, but after a long while, he loosened his tie and walked forward.

About a year later, Helga was standing in a park behind a baby carriage when a bus rolled up. Phoebe descended to the street. She spotted Helga immediately.

"Oh, Helga! It's so good to see you! It's been years!" she said. She smiled down into the baby carriage to see two babies there.

"Oh, Helga are you babysitting?" she asked. "They look adorable!" One of the babies had dark skin and other was pale. They both were exactly the same age.

"Oh, yeah, yeah!" Helga flustered. "Babysitting, right. On a completely unrelated note, did you know that if a woman has two romances within minutes, it's possible for that woman to have identical twins with two different fathers?"

"Wow, that's…strange Helga!" Phoebe uttered a little unnerved by the crassness of the subject. "But it's been ages and I was wondering… how's Gerald been?"

"I thought you were married?" Helga objected, volitably.

"Well, I was, but the marriage didn't work out as well as I hoped. But I remembered Gerald and I thought…"

"Ah, sorry to interrupt you Phoebes, but Gerald isn't exactly single."

"Oh, that's too bad!" Phoebe rolled her eyes with unhappiness. "But since I'm here maybe we could all get together at your place? You and Arnold still married?"

"Yup!" Helga clucked.

"Well then, we just need to invite Gerald over then, and…"

"Ah, Phoebes?" Helga announced reluctantly. "We don't need to invite Gerald over. He sort of lives there." Helga glanced down at the baby carriage. Phoebe put two and two together.

"Oh… #%#$!" Phoebe said.

"Exactly!" Helga said with a sheepish grin. The end.


End file.
